No matter the time of year, one thing that is certain to affect us all at some point in our lives is loss: of a family member, a friend or a beloved pet.

I recently faced losing my two-year-old cat, Newbie, to an aggressive form of cancer and of course, my whole family was devastated – most of all my nine-year-old Dachshund x Jack Russell, Rufus, as he could sense something was wrong. We were faced with making the most difficult decision, but hope we were lucky.

I thought I would talk about supporting each other – and our surviving pets – through the loss of a family pet and offer some words of advice, although of course, I hope you never need to use it!

Dogs and cats need support too

Firstly, acknowledge the grief, both in yourself and your pets. Yes, dogs and cats can feel loss keenly and need support as they, too, transition into a life without their brother or sister. Accepting your feelings without judgement or ridicule is very important – and remember, no two people process emotions the same way so don’t be offended if others do not react the same way that you do.

Take time to be quiet together, take space to cry, to remember the lost pet and to talk about the good times. Children may not show that they feel the loss immediately, as they often bounce back and move on without a backward glance, however they will find spaces in life to ‘realise’ their pet is gone and then will need support to deal with their feelings.

Your pets may need quiet time alone, or they may demand more of your attention. Respectfully respond to their needs but notice if behaviours become problematic – howling or barking, for example – and try not to reinforce this with your reactions. Instead, ignore unwanted behaviour and focus on redirecting attention to other behaviours, quietly and calmly.

It has to be said that we must always be mindful of any actual deterioration in our pet’s condition whilst grieving. If they refuse food for more than three days, become sick or have runny stools, become weak or disoriented, please consult your vet.

When it was touch and go with Newbie, I offered Rescue Remedy and CBD oil to my dog, as he was struggling to cope. It appeared to ‘take the edge off’ and allowed him to carry on pretty much as normal.

Talking to each other is so important

I often think adults suffer the most, as we understand so much more of what is happening. Talking to each other and allowing space for moments of overwhelm is so important.

I still miss my darling Rottweiller who died in 2014 age 11 – remembering her still brings me to tears. So please, if you are grieving the loss of a beloved pet, be gentle with yourself and know, they are always with you and your love will never die.