This month I wanted to touch on a rather delicate topic: moods. Yours and your children’s, and how to handle them when they change more quickly than the weather on a March morning.

I was asked to address the ever-changing emotional range of a five-year-old and how to handle it, and I thought it was a great topic as it allows me to cover a few things.
Firstly, a five-year-old has very little regulation, as their amygdala (the integrative centre for emotions and emotional behaviour) is still forming and not yet capable of ‘holding in’ what it needs to express.

Secondly, so many things contribute to how we ‘feel’, including how hungry or thirsty we are, how much energy we have, how stimulated (or not) we are and how safe we feel in our current setting.

I am sure you are already aware of the need for carrying that enormous bag filled with drinks, snacks, a change of clothes, a coat, an extra jumper, wellies and sun cream wherever you go, aren’t you? Exactly – to keep your little one as comfortable as possible at all times.

You won’t always be there to solve their problems

However, by the time they start school you are not on hand to solve every problem and indeed they are one of a group of kids who are all beginning to learn to problem-solve for themselves.

From eating and drinking enough, and releasing stress through activity at playtime, to sitting still and not fiddling with their best friend’s hair at story time. Those little brains are working so hard to learn, grow, navigate and retain information, and behave in a way they have been taught is socially acceptable (no matter what their bodies are telling them).

So when they emerge at 3pm and have a complete meltdown at the gate because you didn’t bring their scooter – which you promised you would that morning – and they don’t want to go to the shop – even though you need to buy dinner – and they ‘hate you’ – because you forgot to pack their most favourite toy in the world for show and tell… Breathe.

Remember that the real reason they are being like this is because you are their safe place!

You are their safe place

They feel safe to release all the confusion, frustration and rage that has built up in them all day and they have kept hidden from their teacher. You, dear parent/guardian, are the first safe place to release it all. I know it sucks, but they behave like this because they feel safe enough, loved enough and accepted. It is a compliment, really.

So before you head out to pick them up from school at 3pm, remember to have a cuppa, eat something, stretch a little, take some deep breaths, watch cute cats on TikTok and have a little cry in the loo if you need to. Because, you know, you are an adult with a fully formed amygdala and you can, for the most part, regulate your emotions. Your little one is relying on you to hold it together so he or she doesn’t have to.

March brings with it all the moods, so let’s navigate with style and grace, shall we?