Are you struggling to find harmony in your family? Are the kids running wild and you feel you’ve lost control? There is an answer and a way forward.

As a parent you create firm boundaries around your children, clearly showing them what is and isn’t acceptable. Rather than simply allow anything to happen and then punish what you do not like, offer clear choices to a child to steer them in the right direction and give descriptive praise to encourage best behaviour.

Descriptive praise
If you are struggling to get the kids to cooperate and find yourself constantly repeating the same demands over and over, this is a great place to start. Instead of only noticing everything they are doing wrong, choose to pay close attention to the times when they are doing it exactly right. For example: “Julie, you are waiting really quietly for your dinner – thank you” or “John, you are sharing your toys with your brother without fighting – isn’t this great?”

By stating the best behaviours, you see and giving heartfelt appreciation for it, you will find your kids acting this way more and more – because, really, they only want to please you and have your attention.

Paying attention costs nothing
Attention is the golden ticket with children – from cuddling your baby, making eye contact and playing ‘faces’, through to listening to their stories, looking at their drawings and watching them dance. Kids thrive on your loving attention and it is only when they feel deprived of it that they act up!

Think about it – when are they the worst for you? In the morning when you are tired, rushed and distracted? Last thing at night when you are exhausted, grumpy and just want them to go to bed? Or when you are on the phone, talking to a friend, trying to focus on something?

So, the best way to tackle this is to give attention – and be mindful about it. Find a quiet time together – a rainy afternoon perhaps – sit down with the kids, a large piece of paper, and some felt tips and draw up a plan that shows how and where you will do things together and also what you expect from them.

Let them come up with ideas for fun activities as well as jobs they agree to do for the family – perhaps preparing dinner or walking the dog. Try to include reading and homework as together time too, so that things you have to do can become things you all want to do, because you are doing it together!

A family is a team affair and everyone plays their part. By making a plan and celebrating your success you will soon find a harmonious element that you never knew existed!