I keep hearing from many ‘primary parents’ that they are dreading the teen years, and I always soothe them by reminding them that they will pretty much get whatever they expect, so expect the best and you just might be pleasantly surprised! But I also share these wisdoms that you might find enlightening. A simple, straightforward guide to parenting your teens, using my go-to coaching technique – The 7 Magic Words.

No
Agree boundaries that you will all stick to – respect for all, telling the truth and listening to each other, how to act when we feel bad (mums and dads – this means you too!).

Hello
Remember the old adage – ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ – and search out opportunities to connect outside the family. Friends, mentors, group leaders and other families all add to self -esteem as our teens are growing.

Thank you
Appreciation is like gold-dust to a self-loathing teen, so reflecting what you love about your teen amidst their behaviours is priceless. You may not like what they do, but remind them that you love them unconditionally, and why not take this one for yourself as well on those grumpy days?

Goodbye
Letting go of what is gone and wiping the slate clean is massive! Once an issue is raised and sorted, it’s time to forgive and forget – and please don’t keep banging on about that thing they did when they were 14 if you want to cultivate peace and calm within the household.

Please
Having a strong vision or purpose for the future can be really helpful for bringing kids back on track after a lapse – again in the spirit of forgiveness and belief in their potential. Focusing on a dream or aspiration will refocus the distracted mind quicker than anything else.

Sorry
Taking full responsibility for our actions and making amends wherever needed is a core part of relationships. None of us are perfect, but our ‘sorry’ must be heartfelt and backed up by our actions and commitments. Weaving responsibility rather than blame into everyday life is so empowering for our youngsters and can be the making of them – if we give them the chance.

Yes
You will know it’s all going well when you can sit back and relax, safe in the knowledge that ‘your work here is done’. My kids are 15 and 18 now and a joy to be around – except when they’re not – in which case I simply leave them alone until they are, which seems to suit us all really well.

By setting and following my own 7 Words Rules, my kids have grown to be sensitive to others, able to monitor and control their own behaviours and fully able to not only say sorry, but accept my sorry into the bargain – for which I am truly grateful. And I must admit, reaching that ‘yes’ is sheer joy – I hope I’ll see you there!