Are you raising kids whilst living with a debilitating condition or an invisible illness? If you struggle with depression, CFS, Lupus, etc. here are my top tips for surviving parenthood as a ‘spoonie’ (a limited number of spoons to share around).

Learn to put your needs first
Remember that phrase ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’? Well, happy mummy keeps the kids alive is also true. ‘Put your oxygen mask on first’ and ensure they have a mum who is ready to do her best – whatever that looks like. Remember YOU are the expert on you!

Find balance
Find balance between your needs and your child’s. In the first few years, if they are fed, clean, and loved, you are winning. If you need help, ask for it – people are only too happy to be of service given half a chance. And remember, your appreciation is enough – it doesn’t need ‘paying back.’

Know your limits
If you cannot ‘do mornings’ say so. If you cannot cook full meals, instead create healthy dishes around simple foods rather than relying on junk – and teach your child to cook ASAP!

Don’t dwell on the negative
There is something good in every moment – what I call the ‘Diamonds in the Dust’. It takes practice, but if you feel down about what you can’t do, try looking at the opposite situation. For example, if you have a warm house to be inside when you can’t cope with going out, all those mornings lying in bed with books will add to your child’s reading skills.

Change your expectations and learn to navigate your ‘new normal’
We may not be the ‘party house’ and rolling on the floor play fighting, but we cuddle, talk, tell stories, and listen to each other – oh, and we really tell the truth, which is priceless!

Limit younger children to one room
Prepare a safe space with everything you need – a bed or sofa to lay on, water, medication (safely stored) and snacks nearby – where baby can crawl and explore with nothing to harm them. A small selection of toys, books or objects to play with and a blanket nest for napping is perfect.

Learn to accept a cycle of unpredictability
You may let people down and you may become unreliable, but if you accept this upfront and stop pretending to be anything else, you can own it and share it – it’s then up to others how they choose to feel about it.

Make use of your local health service
Drop in sessions, GP appointments, CBT courses, talking therapies, community mental health team – whatever is available. I know they are far from perfect, but take advantage of whatever is on offer. Take the meds, do your meditation, do the exercise and eat well. Those simple things can and will make a world of difference.

The most vital part is – do not feel guilty. You are doing a brilliant job and your kids will love you regardless. So, enjoy the good days and celebrate those little wins, because you deserve it.