You are a rock – I hope you know that. You are the foundation of your family’s world, their North Star, their firm footing. So if ‘the worst’ should happen and you feel like everything is falling away like a Californian mud-slide how can you maintain some sense of confidence that you are still doing OK?

I often hear from parents that are dealing with the fallout from a marriage breakup, health-scare or even a natural disaster (the 2007 Gloucestershire flooding is a thing of legend) and my job is to remind them of all they are doing right, even when it feels like everything is wrong.

Allow less important issues to fall away
Firstly there is prioritising – that most subtle art of allowing some less important issues to fall away whilst bringing the pressing and most urgent to the fore. For the psychologists amongst you, you may link this to the basic level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – shelter, food, access to physical maintenance and functions. Sometimes it is all you can do to get a meal in front of the kids, keep the place warm and dry, and manage at least one conversation without bursting into tears – as anyone who has lost a partner will attest to.

I say this not to be morose but to realise that beneath the veneer of respectability we put on for the public every day, we are all fighting our personal little battles with money, mental health, social situations or family nightmares – and not one of us is immune from a sudden and shocking change to our ‘normal.’

If this is you right now, I want you to know that you are not alone, you are certainly not weak and yes, you do deserve to be loved and supported through this transition. I urge you to reach out to someone – family if you have them, friends if you don’t, and if neither of these appear available to you The Samaritans offer a space for you to be heard without judgement, and there is certainly no shame in utilising this incredible service.

There’s more support out there than you realise
Do talk to your GP – just to keep them in the loop – even if you do not actually want medicinal intervention, and keep the kids’ schools informed of any changes at home.

Not only will you get a chance to share your truth, but you might just find out there is more support out there than you ever realised.

Try to get outside every day and, if you can manage it, keep a diary of good things to help you remember that the whole world is not failing, just one little piece of it isn’t going according to plan at the moment.

Children are resilient but they do need a safe place to process – and you are usually it, so if they are driving you mad, yet again, remember you are the safest space in their lives and they love you and trust you to be there no matter how horrible they feel.

And in case no one has told you today – you are doing an amazing job!