I was recently asked to contribute a chapter to a collaborative book about successful women and it made me think about how we view success in our families, and how we choose to recognise those successes.

Do you only consider something a success if it represents a ‘win’ with an implied sense of competition – for example, a high test score or being picked for a school team?
Or are you a parent who has so much to deal with that you see simply getting dressed and managing to drink a cup of tea that isn’t stone cold a raging success?

This is the point I think, when considering how we recognise and subsequently celebrate success. It depends so much on our intrinsic value system and, equally, our personal circumstances.

Decide what success looks like

At this point I invite you to consider the personal values of your family unit, and recommend bringing this conversation to the table so that together you can decide what success looks like and how you would like to recognise it.

Families come in so many forms, of course, and I want to recognise the myriad adoptive parents, stepparents and foster parents, and friends-we-call-family, who come together to support each other.

If you understand how each person ‘ticks’, you will understand who needs recognition, praise, prizes or publicity in order to thrive. Remember, we are not all the same and what constitutes recognition for one child may leave another feeling unappreciated. With this in mind, we also need to foster resilience within the individual to recognise success on their own terms, without external validation as the goal.

My own son struggled in school to connect with peers, but took great satisfaction from setting his own goals and reaching them, in spite of his friends having no interest in those achievements. As a family, we took pains to ask the kids how they felt after a test or challenge and take our cue from them as to how to acknowledge.

Sometimes there is nothing more cringey than mum gushing over the team win or gold star when the child is embarrassed and hated every minute of the exercise.
And what about you, beloved reader, how do you celebrate your own success? Do you ask for rewards, a treat, some peace and quiet, or go full on with a meal out with all the trimmings?

What are you choosing to recognise?

What successes are you choosing to recognise? As adults it can sometimes be hard to see anything we do as a success, as we are forever rushing from A to B getting everything done!

So why not take a moment to celebrate the day? You are an incredible human, navigating a weird old world and you keep turning up, doing your best; and that, my friend, is no small thing.