Your new baby is now firmly part of the family and things are changing rapidly. As dynamics change within families, it is more than likely that different opinions will be shared and this can lead to conflict.

This could be between partners who had very different upbringings and hold opposing values, or between extended family, especially where mum is living with her own parents when she brings baby into the world.

But the occurrence of conflict and the clashing of opinions, especially around the way baby is raised, does not have to mean everyone falls out. We can learn to share ideas and opinions without falling into unnecessary conflict if we can follow a few simple rules.

Be respectful
No matter how much you disagree with someone around an issue, commit to always communicating with respect. Be willing to listen as well as talk, and most importantly, do not harbour the need to be right all the time. Quite honestly, everyone is simply doing the best they can in the moment and there is rarely a wrong or right in most situations.

Choose your moment
If you are in a family with underlying issues, unsolved trauma or concerns, then be mindful of how and when you choose to voice your opinions. Choose a time when everyone is calm, and be clear about your intentions in any conversation.

Talking behind people’s backs, plotting and trying to win over a certain family member to your side will only ever lead to a fracture in the family, and may have devastating consequences in the long term.
Try to make time regularly to have face to face conversations around schedules, noise, behaviours and feelings, with everyone present if possible. This way, everyone can feel part of the team when it comes to dealing with discomfort.

Why all the drama?
You may wonder why I am talking about this. I have seen it so often after many sleepless nights; stress is mounting, people are tired and old behaviour patterns and familial roles come into play.

Believe me, now is not the time for mother and daughter to be at loggerheads over who is in charge, who owns the house or pays the bills! Neither is it the right time for the new parents to start battling over forgotten birthdays, infidelities or other disappointments from the past.

I understand how high tensions can run with no sleep and the worries over the wellbeing of your precious baby, all staged with a backdrop of a pandemic and social change like we have never seen before. So I beg of you – stay calm, be kind and most of all, be honest and upfront with each other.

I want to acknowledge that times can indeed get difficult and that I know you have it within you to navigate change and challenge in a caring and considerate way. I just wanted to remind you that you are doing a great job and you should be very proud of yourself!