This month, I want to look at sibling rivalry. When children are raised together, rivalry will always happen – it’s natural and, let’s face it, it isn’t going to go away.

Starting with the birth of the second child, it is natural that your elder child will need time to transition from being sole focus to sharing their parents’ attention, and the younger will need to find their place in the pecking order of family life.

But how can you help them get along – no matter what age you are dealing with?

Firstly, lose the labels. Avoid falling into the trap of stereotyping your children, no matter how gifted they may be in a certain area. Every child will flourish in different elements of life, be that academia or creativity, but while praise and acknowledgement of achievements are important, try not to let any comparison between siblings creep in.

Allow all children to be fully themselves and loved for who they are, not what they can accomplish, and you will see rivalry play a much lesser role in their natural squabbles.

Do not let one child become ‘the favourite’, especially around extended families – make sure all family members know that this is not tolerated in any way. Setting this boundary from day one could be your saving grace!

Arrange for attention
Especially when a new baby comes home , ensure you plan to spend quality time with each child, giving them space to choose activities where possible and feel empowered by your time together, rather than constantly struggling to get your attention and harbouring resentments inside.

Prepare for peace
Giving your children the language to communicate healthily as early as possible will help you support them through any conflicts which arise around sharing toys, bedroom space or other areas of contention.

Modelling how to ask for what they want, and also how to deal with a firm but gentle ‘no’ is so helpful, rather than sweeping “just share it” statements, which leave both parties frustrated and anxious.
Showing your kids how to both ask and how to navigate disappointment when they do not get it are huge developmental milestones and they will need you to support them as they find their way.

Stay out of it
Remember that their conflict is not yours. They do not need you to ‘solve the problem’ but rather to teach them how to move through an impasse in a way that leaves everyone feeling happy and calm.
Ultimately, remember the golden rule: ‘It’s a win/win or everybody loses’ and the ultimate aim of any squabble is for both parties to feel seen, heard and valued – not for everyone to get things the way they want them!

Kids will always want to play power games and indeed they are an important part of family life. Just make sure the little things never turn into big things, then you are winning all the way home!